just some things

my momma's been in zaire for about 2 weeks now and will be gone for another month and a half/i miss her, but it's definitely good for both her and me/i had strep throat all last week and as a result, the week was uncomfortable in almost every aspect/i still have my wisdom teeth, which were supposed to be yanked out of their homes thursday/i guess thank god for strep/i have 3 jobs, i'm broke and it sucks/i move into my apt. in about a week and a half/still not sure where the $525 + new/second-hand furniture + utilities is all going to come from/and i still want to do so many things that require some amount of payment/dates, tattoos, alicante reunion in iowa city, trips to dc (or portland), wisdom teeth/ yup, i said wisdom teeth, but that's a long story/i just need to take a deep breath, and with it, hopefully mounds of money will come/

bold & outrageous.

mary beth and i were talking today about being more brave and more daring. and i've been making kind of a half-hearted effort at that recently, just by trying to bring color into my wardrobe or making a robin thicke, jt, john legend, and john west playlist on my iPod so that i can play it while at work at shop shop. i bought a yellow dress the other day (which is now a few inches shorter because i put it in the dryer) and have been looking to broaden my closet's horizon, which consists of mostly black, brown, white and olive green, but this site has inspired me beyond comprehension. i honestly don't know how well i'd be able to pull some of this stuff off, but i'm going to make an effort to be a little more daring, while still maintaining my individual style.

a few of my favorites:

more of life.

the weekend:

jbl having a drink with hillary.

p clothes-pinning her...
(this is a pg-13 rated space)

steve wanting mb to touch his 'banana'

his banana...literally.

my family.
so this sums up the weekend. it was pretty amazing. i miss my sidekicks already.
august 30th we shall reunite.

the things that will fulfill my being at this point are taking the Slow approach to life, in every way possible. Slow food, Slow citta, Slow love. i'm really coming to understand the Slowness.
this is from my journal, 09. octubre. 2006, while i was on vacation in france:

[being in this village (of approximately 250) is amazing and is probably the biggest eye-opener...
i could never live this life as much as i admire it...
being so secluded and isolated is just a way of life i could not handle living.
unfortunately, it makes me appreciate many of the things in the states that make our lives so chaotic.
i like the fast pace and the noise of the streets.]

i look back on this stage and i can't help but think that i was just so overwhelmed by the differences and the changes i had to make to really appreciate europe in this sense. in retrospect now, i want something more similar to the european way of life than to the american way of life.
it just makes more sense.

i am also going to start making more jewelry with stones, like turquoise and jade, and shooting more...
i'm going to test out my dad's old 35mm cam just to see how it feels.
starting yoga this month, maybe more pilates, too.
i think i want my life to be more spiritual and have more meaning.
i'm really just looking forward to the next year...
i feel like there's so much to be done, so many adventures to take on.

happenings

it was a good weekend. john and i went to his lake house in panora too meet up with his parents for the day sunday. the weather was definitely not ideal, but it was a great day. we took the boat out on the lake a couple times. it was hoodie and jeans wearing weather on the lake, but it felt great. at about 8 that night, the sun decided to come out and we sat on the deck. it was beautiful.

john has been living in filth for most of the summer, but a couple of weeks ago, we cleaned his kitchen. it's amazing how your environment can change the way you feel. the kitchen has been (nearly) spotless for the last week or so and things have been perfect. it's a little strange, but it's almost like it was a burden hanging over our heads.

i finally cut my hair. it's a very strange thing - i feel so vulnerable and so empowered at the same time. all of my hair is gone, the hair that most people have come to know me by, and i feel so naked. everything feels exposed and i have never felt like this before. on the other hand, though, i feel like such a woman. my new 'do says ' this is me.' i like it.

lollapalooza is looking like a no. this summer hasn't been as profitable as past summers, so my adventures are limited. we're going to chicago labor day weekend for my very first larue weekend, so it looks like that's the next time i'll be traveling out of the state.

my vow.

today, i take a vow of self-improvement (less binging, more activity).

meet & greet.

hi. meet my new nephew mahambi emanuel bonyombe. he's wonderfully precious and adorably tinety.

why, when our limits are pushed and we are completely exhausted, do we say things we don't mean to the people who mean the most to us?

Slow days, but good days.

life is grand.

since high school, my summers have been bogged down by several different jobs, at least 2, if not 3. this summer was looking like that was going to happen again, but fortunately (and unfortunately), it's different. i have 2 jobs right now, but work very few shifts at both. i would definitely like to work more, but i can't complain with some new-found free time. i am looking for a 3rd, as i quit the sanctuary after just 2 shifts there. phew. such a cool place, such lousy energy. i decided to take a stand against the negative energy because i didn't want to surround myself with it...i'm all about positive energy because it really makes a difference. i have since applied at fair grounds (née grounds for dessert), a fair trade, vegan/vegetarian coffee shop downtown. if that doesn't fair, i'll look into applying at joe's place in the fall and will resort to working in a bar yet again. ugh.

there's a new little man in my life...his name is mahambi emanuel bonyombe and he's the toast man's little brother, born tuesday the 12th. he came in weighing a measly 4 lbs. 14 oz., which is a result of being born 3(+) weeks early. prior to his birth day, ultrasounds/checkups were showing that he wasn't moving much, which is obviously a concern, so all parties concerned decided it was best to get him out. thankfully, he's a beautiful, healthy little man (i'll put up some pictures when his dad decides to give my camera back). today is his big brother's 2nd birthday, but sadly, manny will be celebrating in the hospital so the docs can make sure that he's as healthy as he needs to be.

i bought in praise of slowness, by carl honore at prairie lights a while back. i've been reading it here and there, but today, i really delved into it while working on my tan lines. it advocates a slower paced life, one that most of us aren't used to being so exploited by clocks and schedules. it discusses the Slow Movement, a movement that is gaining strength across the globe, advising people that life is something to be enjoyed, that the idea of time is not a finite thing, that time renews itself. i'm not even 100 pages into it yet, but i can see that the Slow life is the life i want to live. all i can say at this point is read the book and be moved. it's one of those.

i guess this is just a summer of love, one to just enjoy life.

newness

so, as i've said before, i'm looking to make a change to my look.
my hair has been my trademark for a while...at least the last 3 years, but as it no longer has a distinguishable style, i think it's time to switch it up.
i can't handle combing it once a week because it hurts too much to comb it more often or pretending that i don't have dreadlocks when, in all reality, i have the fiercest unintentional dreadlocks you will ever come across.
so i'm going to leave all of that behind and get this:

lazy days.

today is a lazy day. it's raining outside...really raining. and john 'prayed' for rain so we could watch movies all day. instead, we're going to see spiderman 3 // leizer (another of my bests from butler) and i told her that i wasn't going to be in dc for the summer. hooray for that because now i can go to her graduation party in chicago (probably the 'burbs). i'm trying to talk john into it...the last time we went to the city, we had the best time. traveling with him is great...only good times ensue//started my first day of work at dulcinea yesterday and it was a blast. much more laid back and relaxed than i thought it would be. jen, the manager, has some really tacky tattoos and some really cool ones and a 10-month-old boy named oliver and a husband that works at devotay. she's pretty rock star. i'm already not getting a paycheck, as i decided i wanted 2 tank tops on my first day. i am currently $-11.25.

i think that's all for now.

03 august - 05 august 2007

john and i have decided (i think) to go to this year's lollapalooza in the chi at grant park.
it's going to be sweltering outside, as it's 03-05 august, but i love the city and i love music.
tickets are $195, but it should be well worth it with a lineup that includes ben harper, daft punk, my morning jacket, snow patrol, the roots, regina spektor, tv on the radio, cafe tacuba, amy winehouse, and stephen marley - just to name a few. i'm hoping we both get summer jobs that produce paychecks that amount to something...

a few more things are in the works...but i don't want to jinx them.

the book of the way

(44)

fame or integrity: which is more important?
money or happiness: which is more valuable?
success or failure: which is more destructive?

if you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
if your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.

be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
when you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.

Lao-tzu, Tao te Ching

news.

i am no longer going to washington, dc for the summer.
it's kind of bittersweet; i wanted to be here and i wanted to be there.
unfortunately, i don't have the funds to support any sort of life in dc.
and instead, i'm working at shop 105 (hopefully), picking up 2 shifts at dulcinea, and applying at the sanctuary.
summer in dc would have been wonderful, but i think summer here will be incredible, as the last couple of days have shown.
john got back thursday and surprised me by coming early.
i screamed like a little school girl when i saw him and i loved it.
i think this summer will be much like last, which was amazing.
he bought me a bike this weekend and we cruised all weekend.
and also decided to try out being vegetarians.
it's bike to work week and i'm trying to win the bike that's in the drawing.
but here are the new wheels. (and no, it's not a girl's bike; it's a mixte!)

must-have

ok, this is a want, and i think i will be able to survive without it, but i can't stop thinking about how badly i want it.



2007 Kona Paddywagon, which will go perfectly with the amazing (pea green) cruiser john plans to build for me this summer. excited!

new discovery.

i love making new musical discoveries.
just another day at the java house.
aside from the beautiful and amazingly talented artist that was singing on the pseudo-stage in the back.
neva geoffrey. listen.

goodness.

things are beautiful here in iowa city. in a little over a week, things will be even more beautiful. it's funny how things change so quickly. life is full of unexpected happenings and you just have to go with it. i love it...it's wonderful. i think my life will be more on track soon; not saying that i have a plan, because i don't at all, but again, that's okay with me. i just feel like things are going in the right direction, at least in some of the more important areas of my life (without being explicit). i'm surrounding myself with really great people, but it's going to be weird to be away from iowa city this summer. wow. my first summer in my 22 years of life that i will be away from the comforts and goodness of iowa city summers. i guess i haven't really thought about that. i guess i haven't really thought about the fact that i won't be here to enjoy it, but hopefully it's not my last opportunity. dc should be pretty lovely, though. circumstances have definitely changed, but for a reason, i think...excited to hang with mary beth, explore the city, go on adventures with ray-my emmy & t-nimmy, reunite with the old butler crew, and hopefully walk the aisles of a reconstructed (if not displaced) eastern market. anticipating all of the goodness.

p.s. i'm looking to make yet another drastic change: i need new hair ...thoughts?

at last.

it is finally spring in iowa city.


in other news:
barack obama on the pentacrest sunday : rjd2 sunday evening : amos lee may 1st.

(making a statement)

i think that one of the most important things is to make a statement.

this way, you won't be forgotten.
what we have to say is important, regardless of what is expected of us.

pink has always made a statement.
i know, it's pink, but at least she speaks her mind.
and it's beautiful.

"Dear Mr. President"
(feat. Indigo Girls)

Dear Mr. President,
Come take a walk with me.
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me.
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.
What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?
What do you feel when you look in the mirror?
Are you proud?
How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why?
Dear Mr. President,
Were you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
How can you say
No child is left behind?
We're not dumb and we're not blind.
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell.
What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.
How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye?
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
Oh
How do you sleep at night?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Dear Mr. President,
You'd never take a walk with me.
Would you?

today's comfort.

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you quite so new

e.e. cummings

secuestro express

"A relentless assault on the senses. More than just a dizzying thrill ride laced with small doses of pitch-black comic relief. It manages to raise awareness of deep-rooted corruption in a world where the cops are more treacherous than the crooks and no one can be trusted."
-Laura Kern, NY Times

i watched secuestro express saturday night, and as much as i want to say it changed my life, i can only say that it changed my perspective on life. it's a strange thing, life is.

while i sit here wishing i had more designer denim and happy that i can drive a 2000 vw jetta around, people in latin america (and likely around the world) are being kidnapped, tortured, killed because they choose to show off their money. the kidnappings, while extremely violent and despised, make a very important social statement. not necessarily with respect to venezuela or latin america, but to society as a whole.

me? i'm just a poor college student (i honestly have very little money to my name), who enjoys nice things. i have now been forced, by the dramatization of very real happenings in latin america, to realize that this is not what's important in life.

*every sixty minutes, a person is abducted in latin america. 70% of the victims do not survive.*

why? money and its consequences.

what an unfortunate way to live this life.