aha

read in an inspiring yoga class tonight...

1. Telling people you love them even though there is so much poison that you think you hate them. Once you say it you burst open with white joy and then you miss the time lost in the negative.

2. Doing things that make you really scared but really exhilarated.

3. Muting the voice in your head that is always worried, always tentative, always keeping you in the land of stuck. "Just do it". GO.

4. Saying no to people who only take.

5. Saying yes to people who give you as much as you give them.

6. Opening your heart so wide that you touch a space that is unknown, uncomfortable and exposed. Staying in that space. Holding it. Holding it. Ahhhh.

7. Turning addictions into accomplishments. Nothing has you in its grips. You are the grips.

8. Service to God/Goddess. Everything else will fall into place.

9. Sacred sweat, lots of it. Dance. Laughing so loud someone complains.

10. Forgiving the world and then making it better.

s l o w down

these days, i seem to find my mind pacing...racing, rather, back and forth, forward and back. and i can't seem to slow it down. not enough deep breaths, lion's breaths or solitary moments can slow it down. sighing helps, only momentarily, then i get to thinking about what's going to happen next, what i can do to allow myself more time for...myself, how i can create more and expend my energy into something creative and something i love, where i can go where cars don't exist or if they do, they are all SMARTcars, with cyclist-loving drivers...i could go on, but honestly, i'm content where i am. i love my what i do, i love the people i am surrounded by, and i love eating frozen lasagna at 11:00pm. i just want to stop thinking about all of that and s l o w down. and live in the moment, appreciate life for what it is right now. stop thinking about work on my days off and UNPLUG. do the things i love.

be here now.

love this life.

so, i've been here in the district a while now...going on 2 months. it's been an adjustment, but a really fantastic one (full of tears and really loud laughter). i've surrounded myself with beautiful people, i love my job, and i love this city...especially around the tree-lined circles. i've been pumping a lot of creative energy into my job and there's very little remaining for my 'free' time...so i'm feeling less than brilliant in blog-posting and jewelry-creating. but i've set goals, big, hairy, audacious goals (like owning a boutique that sells only eco-friendly goods and my jewelry) and some goals that are a little more realistic (like reading a news article in spanish every day or going to yoga 6x/week).

so, it's a sign...once i start rambling and writing non-sensical paragraphs, i must retire until the next time.

xoxo

202.

so, welcome to my life in washington, d.c. i've been here almost 3 weeks and of course, i'm still trying to settle in. i haven't made my 500 square feet of cute little city apartment 'home' yet, but it's in the making. i've kind of gotten used to my "bed" (a rug, a mattress pad, a down comforter, and my quilt), but i reluctantly just purchased a platform bed from west elm and am trying to figure out a way to get to an ikea so i can buy a mattress (yes, i know i can buy them online and have them shipped to me, but i prefer to pay the $79 delivery charge as opposed to the $300 shipping & handling charge if i were to order it online...) my apartment also happens to be the storage unit for 3 bike boxes and one bike not in a box...you'd imagine that it was pretty cozy in my space, but i don't really have much furniture yet, so it's not too bad. ha.

i love my job, i love the people i work with, i love yoga, and i love the community. exploring has been really amazing and i can only continue to do more. i love how full of life the city is; it's a nice change from home. i promise there's more to come, but i'm sort of a noodle and just wanted to give a brief update on where i am and what i'm doing. (so, paula, hold tight...a more exciting post will come soon!)

dos semanas.

things seem to be falling into place nicely for the big move. i can't say that this is without minor panic attacks and repressed anxiety about getting things figured out, but it's all coming to a head. i've been telling people that the big move is just 3 weeks aways...only to find myself self-correcting to say that it's just a mere 2 weeks!! may 8 is the day my parents and i will be trekking a 5'x8' uhaul trailer full of (most of) my earthly possessions from iowa all the way to the east coast. weird. i guess i never thought this day would come, the day that i would actually say 'goodbye' to iowa city, but that day is in sight. and it's not too far off in the distance. there's still lots to do, like pack up my apartment by may 1st, sell my car, and then figure out everything i consider a necessity to make my new home in the district. after first being told that i won't be making nearly enough money to live in the better parts of the city ($38,000+), i was just informed yesterday that i was approved for the first apartment i applied for, which is coincidentally, the same apartment john applied to live in. if all goes as planned, john and i will be next door neighbors...ok, maybe not right next door, but 3 doors down. it sounds silly, i know. but it'll be perfect. for now.

so the countdown is on, full of excitement and sheer sadness. 2 weeks...

may you rest peacefully.

my wonderful, feisty grandma claribel passed away yesterday after 91 years, 9 months and 23 days in this world. she had 16 grandchildren, 16 great-grandchildren, and 10 great-great grandchildren and thankfully, she was with it every single one of her days, so i can only hope that i live as wonderful a life as she did. i'm so grateful for the 23 years of handmade quilts, countless mr. freezes stolen from the back room freezer, painless snippy comments, and $2 bills for all of my birthdays and christmases. now she's off to play pinnacle with her card club friends and reunite with her life-long love, forrest. thank you for all the years of love and support.
rest peacefully, grandma.

**sweet new gig**

i've just landed a sweet new gig at lululemon athletica (clarendon store) right outside of d.c. i officially start monday, may 12. my parents and i will be trekking cross-country the weekend right before that (may 9) and john will follow shortly thereafter (i say this rather giddily). i'm so excited to engulf myself in the d.c. yoga community - it's a totally grass-roots company and the principle way to spread the word about a balanced lifestyle is to get into the community. i just got back from spending a couple days in d.c. with the lovely mb, getting to know my new city, hanging out with my wonderful central pa friend, rachel (and getting $100 parking tickets in georgetown - don't worry, rach, your jewels are in the making), and interviewing at lulu with a kickass woman, carolyn.

with so much left to do, including finding someone to sublease my apartment, finding a place to live in d.c. (johnny & i are going to be living in the same building *fingers crossed*), selling my cute little jetta fefe, packing, etc...the list goes on and on, i am finding myself even more ready to take this next step. maybe it's a little overwhelming, but that hasn't hit me yet. more than anything, i'm excited. beyond excited.

gotta make a move to a
town that's right for me
town to keep me movin'
keep me groovin' with some energy.

collecting.

this is a list of just a few things i'd like to start collecting asap:

+ my hair...as in i want it to grow back REALLY REALLY fast b/c i kind of miss my 'fro that sort of became my identity + head/neck scarves, you know, the really beautiful silky printed ones that i can use as a head scarf or a necklace + frye boots or just boots in general. i'm most specifically craving cowboy boots, though + yoga pants, yoga tanks, yoga books, yoga anything, really + vintage beads + asymmetrical necklaces, like the newest ones in my shop + and lots and lots of "rasa" (see below)

from marybeth's blog:

rasa is literally translated as "juice, essence, taste, plasma, or transformational state" and is pretty much the nourishing juice or energy that fills us with life. so when spring rolls in we feel a burst of energy - the days are longer (but this time in a good way..), we feel lighter and more playful and even more hopeful.

newbies.

here are some of the newest additions to the shop:

show some etsy love.

just thought i'd let everyone know that i've reduced all the prices on my jewels on etsy by a couple bucks, so spread the word, homies. xoxo.

www.bonkosiamc.etsy.com

internet window shopping

so, today has been dedicated to scouring the internet for a few birthday presents for myself. normally, i make a huge deal out of my birthday, counting down the days from the beginning of the year until march 21st. yes, i have always done this...from the time i could speak [likely] to just last year. so for approximately 20 years (given that i could talk around the age of...2), my birthday has been the most important day of the year (christmas is a close second and both days have a 'wants' list.) with just under a week until i officially become old (in my book, that's 23) and a little extra cash in my bank account, i've decided that i'm going to buy myself something nice...or a few things that are nice, just not as nice. my day has consisted of asking sellers questions on ebay about the vintage frye boots that are up for auction, searching high and low for flouncy skirts that can only bring spring & summer here just a little more quickly, thinking about how many soy candles i can buy without being considered crazy and counting down the minutes left at work until i can go to revival and carefully peruse their second-hand goods (my sister and i have this thing w/ second-hand stuff, but i will make exceptions for things that i find extremely exceptional.) for a while though, i have wanted a pair of dr. scholls classic sandals. yes, i said it. you know, the ones with the one leather buckle strap that remind you of your grandma claribel (shout out to my grandma claribel, who, bless her heart, has probably never used the internet.) and until today, i figured these puppies only cost $50 max. little did bonkosi know that in 2008, a pair of dr. scholls classic sandals run about $90 a pair. what?!

new creations...

some new ideas that will be showing up in my store very soon.

can't wait for cowboy boots and flouncy skirts.

a new favorite artist.

i'm not sure how i found her, but blog-surfing, i came across my new favorite artist: jess gonacha. maybe it's because her paintings and drawings bring to life the cold/warm spring days i am so long for or because i'm living vicariously through her and if i could truly paint, i would want to paint like her. either way, her paintings are beautiful and luscious. and perfectly done.

along with her website, she also has a beautiful etsy store.

daydreaming of spring and a new city.

and yoga classes with marybeth.

photo by kris krug

unknowing...

i've been feeling this pressure from all around to figure out what it is that i want to do with the rest of my life as soon as possible. mostly, from my mom and society. the question "did you get a job yet?" on a bi-weekly basis is making me insane. i understand that my chances of getting a job that can buy me happiness are better now, as a recent college grad, but i don't want to sit behind a desk, in a cubicle, answering phones. so i may not know exactly what it is that i want to do, but i do know that working with real people, face-to-face is something i'm good at. and i love the arts, boy, do i love the arts. and this yoga thing, i am absolutely falling in love with yoga. so for now, working retail (like i have been for the last 3 years), is going to be great for me and my fingers are crossed for when i apply for a lululemon position next month. yeah, i may not be making $40,000 a year, have student loans to worry about, but i know that i can be happy struggling. people struggle every single day, far worse than i do, and for now, i'm okay with struggling because i know i'll be happy in a new city with john, marybeth & said right around the corner, and lots and lots of new friends. i don't have to do this for the rest of my life and who says i will, but for now, it's fine by me. i will always have that 'b.a. in international studies' to put on my resume.

Why lay yourself on the torturer’s rack of the past and future?

The mind that tries to shape tomorrow beyond its capacities
will find no rest.

Be kind to yourself, dear- to our innocent follies.

Forget any sounds or touch you knew that did not help you dance.

You will come to see that all evolves us.

If you put your heart against the earth with me, in serving
every creature, our Beloved will enter you from our sacred realm
and we will be, we will be
so happy.

- rumi

cheers!

congratulations, baby, on getting the perfect teaching job in d.c. i'm so proud of you. you will be amazing! i can't believe we're really doing this. i love you.

mmm. life.

i'm finally getting things put into my etsy store(!!!)/having some really really great ideas for new jewelry/applying at lululemon in d.c./yoga (!!!)/spending time apart, missing each other, and totally loving it/falling in love all over again/a day trip to chicago w/ jaclyn (fingers crossed)/a mini-reunion in indianapolis for k's wedding/visiting my awesome family in indy/a 4-day trip out to d.c. to visit the lovely marybeth and hopefully figure some things out for the big move.

new stuff

these can all be found here.

words of wisdom

from marybeth:

let go of the ways you thought life would unfold; the holding of plans or dreams or expectations – let it all go.

save your strength to swim with the tide.

the choice to fight what is here before you now will only result in a struggle, fear, and desperate attempts to flee from the very energy you long for.

let go. let it all go and flow with the grace that washes through your days whether you receive it gently or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders.

and...
if i love you, i will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, i will give you a sun check and a rain check,
BUT
i can be lonely. i can learn my way around loneliness. i will make a map of it, sit with it for once in my life. welcome to the human experience. but i will never again use your body or emotions as a scratching post for my own unfulfilled yearnings.
-liz gilbert, eat, pray, love