this has to get better, right??

so far, my experience in spain has been lack luster. the culture is amazing and i can see myself really indulging in this culture...but i haven't had an experience worthy of jealousy yet. it's early monday morning (2:30, to be exact), and i can't sleep because i'm paranoid that someone, for some odd reason is going to break into my window that's 20 stories up to steal my mediocre computer. slightly paranoid because i still don't have my luggage (only 3 days after i've arrived, no big deal) and the office that apparently has my luggage wouldn't answer my phone calls today. atleast none of my 4 attempts. i would like to wear something new, but i can't, and i'm not sure when i'll be able to. the plan for tomorrow was to go to the beach, but the likelihood of me fitting into a swimsuit for a girl that's about 5'2 115 pounds is not good (that's my only option - to wear one of chanelle's). oh well, i guess i'll just have to wear the black skirt i've been wearing since thursday. i've made it this far, right?

at least these people are affectionate, i envy them because of that. and it's made everything a little more lighthearted. just seeing people in love or people who love eachother walk, talk...it's so different than in the states. there, we were (or atleast i was) brought up to believe that showing affection in public is a social faux pas. how sad that you feel uncomfortable showing the people you love some affection. i've also found that you stand out as an american if you smile to strangers. honestly, that's the biggest difference. spaniards just aren't familiar with that and apparently it makes them uncomfortable. how coincidental that they show so much affection but are less warm.

i'm hoping that tomorrow brings some good news. i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

indifference.

Well, I leave in just a couple of days. Thursday, to be exact; and I'll be in Spain on Friday morning at 7. Yet, I still don't feel like I'm going anywhere. I've been trying to spend as much time with John as possible, with the people I love, and I've even said goodbye to a few people I adore, and strangely, emotions haven't overcome me. Ok, there have been slip-ups, but 4 weeks ago, I was more emotional thinking about leaving than I am with just two days to go until I get on an airplane that I won't get back on until December 21st. I guess I won't realize how my life will change until my plane takes off.

I'm scared of the unknown, but excited for it as well. I don't know what's going to come my way, but I plan on embracing it and making the most of it. Wish me luck!