beans.

the americano: a new-found love.

graffiti beautiful

graffiti can be beautiful, too.

my steps in life

i often think it's a good thing to not know what i want to do next.
i have goals and things that i would like to do, but i don't want to shape the rest of my life in a split second.
i think that's the hardest way to go about it.
if it's not the way you wanted it to be, you tend to think you've failed.
it's inevitable to fail, but i don't want to think of my life as a failure.
i want to play things by ear and make decisions i firmly believe are the best ones
...or at least the best ones for me.
i don't want people to tell me what i should do...maybe i don't even want to be told what i could do.
just that i can do whatever it is i put my mind to and pour my heart and soul into it.
i don't think i should know what i want to do with the rest of my life, not now, at least.
i just want to be happy and love what i'm doing and live happily and serenely.

i want the next steps of my life to be:

• getting back to the things that made me the most happy (create) - i think i've strayed slightly from this.
• making the most of myself in dc.
• becoming more aware of my body and myself.
• making a habit of consciously correcting my posture.
• breathing deeply.
• growth.
• allowing myself to trust people.
• ceasing immediate judgement.
• loving deeply.

Everything starts with yourself -- with you making up your mind about what you're going to do with your life. I tell kids that it's a cruel world, and that the world will bend them either left or right, and it's up to them to decide which way to bend.
-Tony Dorsett

snowy days.

i know i have this yearning to get out of iowa city.
but most of the time i absolutely love it.
especially when there's snow on the ground.
iowa city is absolutely beautiful with snow on the ground.
i love wandering around aimlessly, into the wonderful shops with a warm java house cup in hand.
it makes everything so much better.

unfortunately, i'm not exactly sure what makes me want to leave.
i guess it's the fact that i've been here for far too many years of my life.
iowa city is one of those places that if you don't get out soon, you never will.
and it's truly a lovely place with lovely people and things to do.
but your time expires here...at some point.
and mine has.

mmm mmm mmmonday

work today was uneventful, but i got some things done beforehand.
in anthro, we talked about our 5 favorite foods and how different they were and how different they would be if we were somewhere else in the world.
it's hard to believe, basing that idea on the fact that each and every student had a atleast 4 things different than anyone else. and the range of food was so wide.
but all the foods were things that we had easy access to, so it makes sense.

i made an appointment to get my hair done before d.c. my little treat...or hopefully my parents'.
i haven't had my hair done since last march and i have nearly 4 inches of roots. if not more.
i think i'm going to try chestnut brown with some highlights, but i've gotten so used to the blonde.

then i met my sister at von maur to get boots. they didn't have any, but they did have some jeans, skirts, purses...i could look at. and i found the perfect across the body bag...it's hobo and green and beautiful.
then my sister told me that aaron's moving out of the uihc and going to st. luke's in c.r. for rehab. after she told me that, we both did a touchdown dance in the middle of the von maur shoe department. awesome, aaron, awesome.

now i'm going to make some jewelry because i spent some time at dawn's bead & hide away today searching for beautiful beads and new ideas.

again, i can't wait for d.c. i feel trapped in this finite abyss.

i heart my tattoos (or these two.)

[truth]


[stars]

sometimes...

sometimes i think about the person i used to be. and other times i think about the person i will soon become. it's somewhat strange thinking about the way i used to be and the life i used to lead because it was so different. not better, not worse, just different. sometimes i miss the way things used to be, the friends i surrounded myself with, the things i used to do, but i can't help but be thankful for the way things are now because, above all, i'm happy. my life would be inevitably different had the previous things not happened, but i'm lucky that i don't regret them. i'm lucky that i can look at my past and not really feel guilty about anything or regret the significant things i did. hooray for life and its continual evolution.

things i love...(taken from my journal 3/1/05)
a good cup of tea.
standing out in a crowd.
confidence.
the Cress girls' laugh.
laughing outloud by myself.
love.
trying something new.
being completely comfortable with someone.
laughing at myself.
working hard.
having a brother-in-law.
getting mail.
being african.
tattoos.
best friends.
knowing a beautiful person.

it's funny how so many things change while so many things stay the same.

a few of my favorite things

i wish my friends weren't so far away.
and i wish i weren't so good at pretending i'm entirely independent.
i mean, i'm definitely independent, no doubts there.
sometimes i just need a shoulder to lean on.
or cry on. or jokingly punch.
and i wish aaron would get out of the hospital and cook for me like he promised.
anything i want i get.
soon, i hope.

i can't wait for dc, though.

happiness

things that are making me happy as of late...

caramel lattes.

corinne bailey rae (and her performance on oprah).

the java house.

my artwork.

go me.

i registered for my first pilates class, pilates 101 at the studio.
it starts next week and i can't wait.
$35 for 6 classes at the nicest studio in iowa city.
hooray.
hopefully i don't make an ass of myself.
but who gives a damn. i'm trying not to.

here's to my new venture...

i want to be her.

remember...

the first snowfall?
going sledding and coming back to have hot chocolate with marshmallows?
shoving your face in the snow and not caring?
snow days?
snow pants, snow boots (similar to the ones in napoleon dynamite, but pink), brightly-colored gloves?

sometimes i wish i could go back...

life: in black & white

things

things i want to do...soon or soonish:

+ delve into a good book
+ start drawing again
+ take more photos & develop them at the imu lab
+ love dc
+ live independently
+ yoga or pilates
+ ride my bike downtown
+ make more jewelry
+ get a new tattoo
+ enjoy myself
+ learn to live

these days.

this woman, well, she's the most amazing one i know.

and this guy, well, he's pretty much one of the toughest around.

i mean, look at him fight.

this is me.

i'm not easy to forget, just hard to remember. and sometimes it's okay, but other times it's not.

so i know you won't forget me, just try to remember me sometimes, too.

i'd like that.

the deepest secret that nobody knows.

  i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
 i fear no fate(for you are my fate,
my sweet)i want no world (for beautiful
you are my world, my true)and it's you are
whatever a moon has always meant and whatever
a sun will always sing is you
 here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud
of the bud and the sky of the sky of a
tree called life; which grows higher than
the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping
the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

-e.e. cummings