unknowing...

i've been feeling this pressure from all around to figure out what it is that i want to do with the rest of my life as soon as possible. mostly, from my mom and society. the question "did you get a job yet?" on a bi-weekly basis is making me insane. i understand that my chances of getting a job that can buy me happiness are better now, as a recent college grad, but i don't want to sit behind a desk, in a cubicle, answering phones. so i may not know exactly what it is that i want to do, but i do know that working with real people, face-to-face is something i'm good at. and i love the arts, boy, do i love the arts. and this yoga thing, i am absolutely falling in love with yoga. so for now, working retail (like i have been for the last 3 years), is going to be great for me and my fingers are crossed for when i apply for a lululemon position next month. yeah, i may not be making $40,000 a year, have student loans to worry about, but i know that i can be happy struggling. people struggle every single day, far worse than i do, and for now, i'm okay with struggling because i know i'll be happy in a new city with john, marybeth & said right around the corner, and lots and lots of new friends. i don't have to do this for the rest of my life and who says i will, but for now, it's fine by me. i will always have that 'b.a. in international studies' to put on my resume.

Why lay yourself on the torturer’s rack of the past and future?

The mind that tries to shape tomorrow beyond its capacities
will find no rest.

Be kind to yourself, dear- to our innocent follies.

Forget any sounds or touch you knew that did not help you dance.

You will come to see that all evolves us.

If you put your heart against the earth with me, in serving
every creature, our Beloved will enter you from our sacred realm
and we will be, we will be
so happy.

- rumi