It's all just a whirlwind of emotion.

I can't even begin to describe how emotions completely take over your mind, your body, everything when you're abroad. One day, everything is great, and the next, life turns its back on you. It's amazing to me, just to realize how things can change so quickly, without even knowing why. Obviously, there are factors that play into the emotions, but for the most part, they're all things that can't be helped. I miss home. That's inevitable. I miss my family. Again, inevitable. I miss John, even though we're not what we used to be. Inevitable. Everything is seemingly inevitable and no matter how much you want to help it, you can't. At this point, I want nothing more than to be able to talk to people face to face, to be around people that have known me forever, or that know me better than I know myself, but it can't be, and I have to get over it. I have to be able to move on, to live the life I have here, to take advantage of what I have right before my eyes. And if I want things to go the way I think they should be, I'll just have to be patient. Something I've never been so good at, but I'm willing to try it. Things here haven't fallen into place immediately, but I can see that things are going to. The more I start traveling, exploring my world abroad, the better things will be for me and the better this experience is going to be. Even just a weekend away makes everything seem brighter. Valencia did that for me this weekend. Two days away from Alicante, and my world seemed brighter. It was beautiful, I had a great time, and I was with a great friend. I can't really ask for much more.

it's becoming my reality...

Just when I thought I wouldn't get used to the life I'm going to be living here in Spain for the next couple of months, something strange has come over me: it's starting to settle in. I think I've finally come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to be going back home any time soon, and I definitely think that's a good thing. I'm really starting to get used to my daily routine, which, unfortunately will be changing in about a week and a half when I start taking other classes, but for now, I'm good. I miss home, I miss family, I miss friends, and I miss John a whole lot, but you know what? That's going to happen. I'm going to miss home and I'm okay with that. I want so badly for John to come visit and I wish more than anything that it might happen. But I can't get my hopes up for much because so much is still unknown here. I'm looking forward to learning things about myself that I could have never learned without being away; I'm ready (whether I like it or not) to test our relationship and see how strong it really is; and I've already learned that I depend on my family and the people I surround myself with more than I could have ever imagined. Being so far away is hard, it really is, but there are so many things you take for granted while you're home. I thought that I'd have to sit back and relfect after my trip in order to see the things I've learned, but thankfully, I'm starting my learning early. Random babblings. That's all I've got for now. Random babblings.

highs and lows...

I really just want to let everyone know that I am having the time of my life even though the downs happen more than the ups. Overall, this is experience is making me grow, although all I can do is complain. Honestly, it´s not that bad. All of this discomfort and missing comes with the territory that I didn´t really foresee. I just kept saying `I can´t wait to get outta here...Spain is going to be incredible´ and while Spain will be incredible, I do have to deal with the highs and the really low lows that come along with being here. I can´t wait for all of the different things I´ll be doing in Spain and Europe in its entirety...things I would have never done had I not studied abroad. As much as I miss home, I miss my family, and I miss miss miss John (and wish he could come visit), I know it´ll all be there when my time is over here. That´s the one thing that I need to keep in mind...no matter how sad I am, no matter how much I want to come home, I know that it´ll be there when I get back, so I just need to live in the moment and take this experience for what it is. A once in a lifetime opportunity to live in a completely different culture, learning about the culture itself, the people, the similarities and differences to my culture, meet new people, grow, and unxpectedly grow closer to the people that I love and miss at home. Here, I don´t take things for granted and I realize how lucky I am to have the people that I do in my life. Thank you all. I´m sorry if I haven´t shown that to you, and I apologize that it takes me being away to realize it, but I do realize it and I want you to know that I do need you all in my life and I am so lucky to have you.