lovely new bonbons

variety.falling.

donuts.

dangles.

lovelies.

antiques.

hoops.

cinnabar.

silk & glass.

i think i'm going to get into this creative streak because i've been without it for so long, so there will be more to come soon. along with drawings of girls without faces, gift tags, collages and photos.

a wintry mix

winter hit iowa city full-force today, with absolutely no hesitation.

[five] facts

[1] i have a fake ear drum because in 8th grade, blake roe threw a water balloon at my head and it hit my ear, rupturing 25% of my ear drum.

[2] i am a perfect 9 1/2, which makes it difficult to find shoes that actually fit because most lines stop making half-sizes @ 9 and go straight to size 10. yes, i have big feet, but not size 10 big.

[3] i played division I volleyball for a year and a half until my coach and i realized we didn't really like eachother.

[4] i claim to be an adventurer and traveler, but hate to camp and get terribly homesick.

[5] when i was in pre-school @ alice's bijou, i ate peas for lunch...and threw them up immediately afterwards, covering the rest of my lunch tray with green slop. i have since refused to eat peas or anything w/ peas in it...but i'm still not sure if i dislike them.

following are the rules for this post, but i don't think i have 5 blog friends to tag...
1. Share 5 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
2. Tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well
as links to their blogs.

happy thanksgiving day...i guess.

while i think it's sad and unfortunate that we celebrate the mass genocide of an entire people and the forced interaction and consequent land-stealing that occurred between the indigenous people of what is now considered "North America" and the 'Pilgrims,' i am thankful that it is one of the very few days of the year that my entire family (sans stripper brothers in las vegas) can gather to celebrate being family and being thankful for having each other. friends are also invited...because i'm thankful for them, too.

happy day-to-be-thankful-for-the-people-around-you-and-the-yummy food-you-shall-receive, ya'll.

etsy-love

i have found myself spending more and time on etsy. every time i visit, i get sucked in to spending at least 15 minutes 'shopping' around, if not 30 or more. but it is really fabulous...beautiful, really. and all handmade, so it's perfect. i have found myself enamored with these...and these. boy, do i like winter. (something i probably won't be saying in the middle of january...)

it's been a while.

so, it's been a while since i last decided to put my thoughts out here. i'm not sure why, but it could be because i'm graduating from college in a month and i'm trying to set everything straight. it's my last chance to prove myself in a formal academic setting. at this point, i have ruled out grad school and law school and i'm pretty sure that it's going to stay that way. so i have to do it all right now and work 3 jobs (technically 4 right now) and be madly in love, so i'm a busy girl. but in just one month, things will drastically change and i will be able to get my creative side churning...which means more jewelry, more artwork, more yoga and/or pilates. all of the things i've been dreaming of and longing for since august. i guess i may still be in shock from it all...a lot has happened in the last couple of months and i don't think i've had the time or the energy to process it. i still can't convince myself that it's really going to happen. and maybe it will start to sink in, as it's pretty much go-time from here on out, but maybe not. i do know, however, that i will have more time, which is the one thing i feel like i can never get enough of.

this is my premature sigh of relief...ahhhhh.

do more stuff

i just have to tell myself: 'bonkosi, do this and do it now (or soonish)'

1) actually start working on my senior project. for real.
2) go take self-portraits with johnny. somewhere and sometime soon.
3) MAKE MORE ART. i continue to tell myself to. i just have to act on it.
4) eat nutritiously (and more than once a day), drink more water, do pilates or yoga at least 4x/week, blah blah blah.

...it just doesn't get done. i'll do it, just as soon as i stop freaking out, or rather stop NOT freaking out. that's the problem. i feel like i'm doing something ALL the time; researching, reading, writing or thinking for class, working at one of my 3 jobs, making time for the love of my life. i guess i just haven't figured out if that's the case, if i'm actually doing anything.

hide and seek.

inspired by hula seventy (yet again), here are a few things i want to do this fall:


plan a trip here, with him.

start one of these with this and especially with one of these.

wear these with my favorite pair of these. and, of course, with these, which i hope to own before the year's over.

see her perform in chicago in november. or anywhere, for that matter.

get one of these, so i can cruise for miles with this guy.

work lots here & here. and shop 105, too.

go here to pick these with anyone, but mostly him.

get the creative flow going so i can take some more of these, make some more of these and get some more of this.

be more daring and wear more of this.

use the one that john gave me. he's such a sweet boy.

celebrate this and go here.

wear this everyday. it's just so yummy.

be presented with one of these babies for my impending college graduation. black, please.

this list could essentially go on and on forever, mostly because there are so many things i want to do/see, but i'll stop here. i may, however, continue to do something like this as things change. and maybe i'll do one entitled 'things i want to do within the next year' but that list will be much longer, and will include lots of portland, biking and art (fingers crossed).

wearing red lipstick.

proudly wearing ridiculously red lipstick for the first time ever, i have discovered my new favorite blog, thanks to miss mb. it makes me melt, too.

addict

i've recently found myself addicted to design blogs and magazines, like decor8 and domino magazine. while being incredibly inspirational, in the sense that it makes me want to have a beautiful, comfortable space, it's also somewhat depressing, as i don't necessarily have the means or the furniture and accessories necessary to love my space. that's all i want to do - love the space i'm in to feel a little more balanced, but right now it's bare, disappointing and draining. i haven't really spent much on the furniture and have found some really great things, like the medium round coffee table that i stained and the soft green velvet chair i found while 'dumpster diving' that's in miraculously great shape. my space is quite depressing on the architectural design side, but it's cute and quaint and i can't get over wanting to make it a space that i'll enjoy. i mean, it IS my space. so as soon as i perfect it, i will share, but in the meantime, i'm going to pout and envy the incredible designers in magazines and on websites.

kosi bijou

\\here's what's new for fall:

again

yet again i'm re-evaluating the life i lead and what i can do to make the world a better place, to be comfortable with who i am and what i stand for, to make conscious and conscientious decisions, to better myself and those around me.

i took this quiz and found that my score was 10. after that, i realized that there is still so much more i could be doing to be more eco-friendly, definitely something i strive to achieve. yeah, so the average american has an ecological footprint of 24 and mine is much lower, but honestly, the average american sucks at being eco-friendly.

put my new shoes on...

and suddenly everything was right.

i bought some new shoes yesterday. i told john they were funny and he said, 'yeah, they look like something my aunts would wear.' i haven't met aunt suzanne or deette yet, but from what i've heard and seen in pictures, they do look like something they would wear.

aren't they funny?

just some things

my momma's been in zaire for about 2 weeks now and will be gone for another month and a half/i miss her, but it's definitely good for both her and me/i had strep throat all last week and as a result, the week was uncomfortable in almost every aspect/i still have my wisdom teeth, which were supposed to be yanked out of their homes thursday/i guess thank god for strep/i have 3 jobs, i'm broke and it sucks/i move into my apt. in about a week and a half/still not sure where the $525 + new/second-hand furniture + utilities is all going to come from/and i still want to do so many things that require some amount of payment/dates, tattoos, alicante reunion in iowa city, trips to dc (or portland), wisdom teeth/ yup, i said wisdom teeth, but that's a long story/i just need to take a deep breath, and with it, hopefully mounds of money will come/

bold & outrageous.

mary beth and i were talking today about being more brave and more daring. and i've been making kind of a half-hearted effort at that recently, just by trying to bring color into my wardrobe or making a robin thicke, jt, john legend, and john west playlist on my iPod so that i can play it while at work at shop shop. i bought a yellow dress the other day (which is now a few inches shorter because i put it in the dryer) and have been looking to broaden my closet's horizon, which consists of mostly black, brown, white and olive green, but this site has inspired me beyond comprehension. i honestly don't know how well i'd be able to pull some of this stuff off, but i'm going to make an effort to be a little more daring, while still maintaining my individual style.

a few of my favorites:

more of life.

the weekend:

jbl having a drink with hillary.

p clothes-pinning her...
(this is a pg-13 rated space)

steve wanting mb to touch his 'banana'

his banana...literally.

my family.
so this sums up the weekend. it was pretty amazing. i miss my sidekicks already.
august 30th we shall reunite.

the things that will fulfill my being at this point are taking the Slow approach to life, in every way possible. Slow food, Slow citta, Slow love. i'm really coming to understand the Slowness.
this is from my journal, 09. octubre. 2006, while i was on vacation in france:

[being in this village (of approximately 250) is amazing and is probably the biggest eye-opener...
i could never live this life as much as i admire it...
being so secluded and isolated is just a way of life i could not handle living.
unfortunately, it makes me appreciate many of the things in the states that make our lives so chaotic.
i like the fast pace and the noise of the streets.]

i look back on this stage and i can't help but think that i was just so overwhelmed by the differences and the changes i had to make to really appreciate europe in this sense. in retrospect now, i want something more similar to the european way of life than to the american way of life.
it just makes more sense.

i am also going to start making more jewelry with stones, like turquoise and jade, and shooting more...
i'm going to test out my dad's old 35mm cam just to see how it feels.
starting yoga this month, maybe more pilates, too.
i think i want my life to be more spiritual and have more meaning.
i'm really just looking forward to the next year...
i feel like there's so much to be done, so many adventures to take on.

happenings

it was a good weekend. john and i went to his lake house in panora too meet up with his parents for the day sunday. the weather was definitely not ideal, but it was a great day. we took the boat out on the lake a couple times. it was hoodie and jeans wearing weather on the lake, but it felt great. at about 8 that night, the sun decided to come out and we sat on the deck. it was beautiful.

john has been living in filth for most of the summer, but a couple of weeks ago, we cleaned his kitchen. it's amazing how your environment can change the way you feel. the kitchen has been (nearly) spotless for the last week or so and things have been perfect. it's a little strange, but it's almost like it was a burden hanging over our heads.

i finally cut my hair. it's a very strange thing - i feel so vulnerable and so empowered at the same time. all of my hair is gone, the hair that most people have come to know me by, and i feel so naked. everything feels exposed and i have never felt like this before. on the other hand, though, i feel like such a woman. my new 'do says ' this is me.' i like it.

lollapalooza is looking like a no. this summer hasn't been as profitable as past summers, so my adventures are limited. we're going to chicago labor day weekend for my very first larue weekend, so it looks like that's the next time i'll be traveling out of the state.

my vow.

today, i take a vow of self-improvement (less binging, more activity).

meet & greet.

hi. meet my new nephew mahambi emanuel bonyombe. he's wonderfully precious and adorably tinety.

why, when our limits are pushed and we are completely exhausted, do we say things we don't mean to the people who mean the most to us?

Slow days, but good days.

life is grand.

since high school, my summers have been bogged down by several different jobs, at least 2, if not 3. this summer was looking like that was going to happen again, but fortunately (and unfortunately), it's different. i have 2 jobs right now, but work very few shifts at both. i would definitely like to work more, but i can't complain with some new-found free time. i am looking for a 3rd, as i quit the sanctuary after just 2 shifts there. phew. such a cool place, such lousy energy. i decided to take a stand against the negative energy because i didn't want to surround myself with it...i'm all about positive energy because it really makes a difference. i have since applied at fair grounds (née grounds for dessert), a fair trade, vegan/vegetarian coffee shop downtown. if that doesn't fair, i'll look into applying at joe's place in the fall and will resort to working in a bar yet again. ugh.

there's a new little man in my life...his name is mahambi emanuel bonyombe and he's the toast man's little brother, born tuesday the 12th. he came in weighing a measly 4 lbs. 14 oz., which is a result of being born 3(+) weeks early. prior to his birth day, ultrasounds/checkups were showing that he wasn't moving much, which is obviously a concern, so all parties concerned decided it was best to get him out. thankfully, he's a beautiful, healthy little man (i'll put up some pictures when his dad decides to give my camera back). today is his big brother's 2nd birthday, but sadly, manny will be celebrating in the hospital so the docs can make sure that he's as healthy as he needs to be.

i bought in praise of slowness, by carl honore at prairie lights a while back. i've been reading it here and there, but today, i really delved into it while working on my tan lines. it advocates a slower paced life, one that most of us aren't used to being so exploited by clocks and schedules. it discusses the Slow Movement, a movement that is gaining strength across the globe, advising people that life is something to be enjoyed, that the idea of time is not a finite thing, that time renews itself. i'm not even 100 pages into it yet, but i can see that the Slow life is the life i want to live. all i can say at this point is read the book and be moved. it's one of those.

i guess this is just a summer of love, one to just enjoy life.

newness

so, as i've said before, i'm looking to make a change to my look.
my hair has been my trademark for a while...at least the last 3 years, but as it no longer has a distinguishable style, i think it's time to switch it up.
i can't handle combing it once a week because it hurts too much to comb it more often or pretending that i don't have dreadlocks when, in all reality, i have the fiercest unintentional dreadlocks you will ever come across.
so i'm going to leave all of that behind and get this:

lazy days.

today is a lazy day. it's raining outside...really raining. and john 'prayed' for rain so we could watch movies all day. instead, we're going to see spiderman 3 // leizer (another of my bests from butler) and i told her that i wasn't going to be in dc for the summer. hooray for that because now i can go to her graduation party in chicago (probably the 'burbs). i'm trying to talk john into it...the last time we went to the city, we had the best time. traveling with him is great...only good times ensue//started my first day of work at dulcinea yesterday and it was a blast. much more laid back and relaxed than i thought it would be. jen, the manager, has some really tacky tattoos and some really cool ones and a 10-month-old boy named oliver and a husband that works at devotay. she's pretty rock star. i'm already not getting a paycheck, as i decided i wanted 2 tank tops on my first day. i am currently $-11.25.

i think that's all for now.

03 august - 05 august 2007

john and i have decided (i think) to go to this year's lollapalooza in the chi at grant park.
it's going to be sweltering outside, as it's 03-05 august, but i love the city and i love music.
tickets are $195, but it should be well worth it with a lineup that includes ben harper, daft punk, my morning jacket, snow patrol, the roots, regina spektor, tv on the radio, cafe tacuba, amy winehouse, and stephen marley - just to name a few. i'm hoping we both get summer jobs that produce paychecks that amount to something...

a few more things are in the works...but i don't want to jinx them.

the book of the way

(44)

fame or integrity: which is more important?
money or happiness: which is more valuable?
success or failure: which is more destructive?

if you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
if your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.

be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
when you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.

Lao-tzu, Tao te Ching

news.

i am no longer going to washington, dc for the summer.
it's kind of bittersweet; i wanted to be here and i wanted to be there.
unfortunately, i don't have the funds to support any sort of life in dc.
and instead, i'm working at shop 105 (hopefully), picking up 2 shifts at dulcinea, and applying at the sanctuary.
summer in dc would have been wonderful, but i think summer here will be incredible, as the last couple of days have shown.
john got back thursday and surprised me by coming early.
i screamed like a little school girl when i saw him and i loved it.
i think this summer will be much like last, which was amazing.
he bought me a bike this weekend and we cruised all weekend.
and also decided to try out being vegetarians.
it's bike to work week and i'm trying to win the bike that's in the drawing.
but here are the new wheels. (and no, it's not a girl's bike; it's a mixte!)

must-have

ok, this is a want, and i think i will be able to survive without it, but i can't stop thinking about how badly i want it.



2007 Kona Paddywagon, which will go perfectly with the amazing (pea green) cruiser john plans to build for me this summer. excited!

new discovery.

i love making new musical discoveries.
just another day at the java house.
aside from the beautiful and amazingly talented artist that was singing on the pseudo-stage in the back.
neva geoffrey. listen.

goodness.

things are beautiful here in iowa city. in a little over a week, things will be even more beautiful. it's funny how things change so quickly. life is full of unexpected happenings and you just have to go with it. i love it...it's wonderful. i think my life will be more on track soon; not saying that i have a plan, because i don't at all, but again, that's okay with me. i just feel like things are going in the right direction, at least in some of the more important areas of my life (without being explicit). i'm surrounding myself with really great people, but it's going to be weird to be away from iowa city this summer. wow. my first summer in my 22 years of life that i will be away from the comforts and goodness of iowa city summers. i guess i haven't really thought about that. i guess i haven't really thought about the fact that i won't be here to enjoy it, but hopefully it's not my last opportunity. dc should be pretty lovely, though. circumstances have definitely changed, but for a reason, i think...excited to hang with mary beth, explore the city, go on adventures with ray-my emmy & t-nimmy, reunite with the old butler crew, and hopefully walk the aisles of a reconstructed (if not displaced) eastern market. anticipating all of the goodness.

p.s. i'm looking to make yet another drastic change: i need new hair ...thoughts?

at last.

it is finally spring in iowa city.


in other news:
barack obama on the pentacrest sunday : rjd2 sunday evening : amos lee may 1st.

(making a statement)

i think that one of the most important things is to make a statement.

this way, you won't be forgotten.
what we have to say is important, regardless of what is expected of us.

pink has always made a statement.
i know, it's pink, but at least she speaks her mind.
and it's beautiful.

"Dear Mr. President"
(feat. Indigo Girls)

Dear Mr. President,
Come take a walk with me.
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me.
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.
What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?
What do you feel when you look in the mirror?
Are you proud?
How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why?
Dear Mr. President,
Were you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
How can you say
No child is left behind?
We're not dumb and we're not blind.
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell.
What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.
How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye?
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
Oh
How do you sleep at night?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Dear Mr. President,
You'd never take a walk with me.
Would you?

today's comfort.

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you quite so new

e.e. cummings

secuestro express

"A relentless assault on the senses. More than just a dizzying thrill ride laced with small doses of pitch-black comic relief. It manages to raise awareness of deep-rooted corruption in a world where the cops are more treacherous than the crooks and no one can be trusted."
-Laura Kern, NY Times

i watched secuestro express saturday night, and as much as i want to say it changed my life, i can only say that it changed my perspective on life. it's a strange thing, life is.

while i sit here wishing i had more designer denim and happy that i can drive a 2000 vw jetta around, people in latin america (and likely around the world) are being kidnapped, tortured, killed because they choose to show off their money. the kidnappings, while extremely violent and despised, make a very important social statement. not necessarily with respect to venezuela or latin america, but to society as a whole.

me? i'm just a poor college student (i honestly have very little money to my name), who enjoys nice things. i have now been forced, by the dramatization of very real happenings in latin america, to realize that this is not what's important in life.

*every sixty minutes, a person is abducted in latin america. 70% of the victims do not survive.*

why? money and its consequences.

what an unfortunate way to live this life.

flurries.

the date is april 4th.
it's 23 degrees and snowing.
i thought it was spring, but i guess not.

dale chihuly: simply amazing.

reading the smithsonian magazine, i came across a name i had heard a while back: dale chihuly.
i remembered the amazing photo that one of my best friends, molly, took while she was abroad in london in 2005. the vibrant colors, the flowing...glass. yes, i said glass. chihuly is a pseudo-glass blower (as an accident when he was a young adult injured his shoulder and took sight away in one of his eyes), who designs brilliant pieces and then has other people do the blowing. it almost seems warhol-esque (an artist whom i also love).

it is now my obligation, as a citizen of the world, to attend a chihuly exhibit.

i'm springing.

yesterday was a near-perfect spring day.
it did something to me that i cannot begin to describe, but it was wonderful.
so many memories, so many flip flops, so many sunny days. (and rainy days, too.)
it honestly just makes me feel alive.
and being alive wonderful.

i know it's just beginning, but the flowers will soon come and everything will be lovely.

welcomed change.

walking downtown today, i saw a familiar face.
a familiar face because it was my brother-in-law, aaron, a stranger to the outside world for the last couple of months.
it was so weird seeing him walking down the ped mall, all alone; a little more cautious and slower than usual, but he was doing it.
he was so comfortable, though, and confident, and it was amazing.
we walked and talked and he told me i looked 'smooth' (referring to my skin, not my demeanor).

i was just so happy to see him breathing some fresh air.

just say no to head injuries.

brother-in-law aaron's myspace blog...
15.03.2007 (going on his 3rd week out of the hospital after a long, hard fight)

say no if some offers you a head injury
Current mood: curious
Category: Life

so, since i've been out of hospital,I have discovered that I have memories things that didn't happen.1) iwas sure that I drove to the hospital in vintage 60's car. I didn't .2) dreamed I flew to stalingrad to got a doctor, this included a stop in scotland for road booze. What The Fuck?

I have confirmation none of this happened, not to mention alot of other things. I suggest avoiding a coma. it's wierd and confusing.

progressing
-aaron

i'm so thankful that he has this much to say.

this life, my life.

life has been frustrating, bizarre, unpredictable, messy, clean, sad, emotional, and emotionless. numb to some things, and sensitive to everything else.
my life has been beautifully tangled.

a week away from the life i lead in iowa city was an absolute must.
a week with some of the people i care about most in the world was an absolute must.
a week of emotional distress and confusion, laughter, smiles, tears, hugs, movies, dinner, biking in the rain, giant pandas and hippos, and biking around dc was inevitable. a lovely balance of relaxation and chaos.

a day of chicago and all that comes along with it; best friends, wandering the streets and perusing through the cute little boutiques, great music (i can tell you who coined the term 'reggae'...and i can also tell you how amazing it is), sleeping through the drive home at 4 am.

and now i'm back.
back to ponder what is to come and what is to be.
i can't wait.

a clusterf*ck.

the last week and a half of my life has been one of those.
it's really a combination of a few things and then me not wanting to deal with them.
it has been so much so (a clusterf*ck, that is) that i have gone 2 days in a row without seeing my mother.
...and i live with my parents.
i guess i just don't even know.

but on a lighter note, AARON IS OFFICIALLY OUT OF THE HOSPITAL! that's pretty rock and roll.

: one love :

sons of the one and only robert nesta marley.

damian & stephen marley.
4 april 2007.
IN IOWA CITY.
and i'm going.

aries.

Venus camps out in Aries until March 17, activating your romance antennae. You are on a mission now, seeking the elusive adrenaline rush of love. If you are in a relationship, think about reenergizing it as if you were courting again. If you're single, perhaps you will meet someone new. Either way, do whatever you can to add excitement to your life.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007



...interesting.

adventures & independence

yesterday i read an article in discover magazine about the galapagos islands. i started to reminisce about my incredible journey to ecuador and the galapagos islands in 2003. the guy who wrote the article had little to say about the beauty of the islands and it was heartbreaking. but it made me realize that some people don't see the same beauty. what's beautiful to me is not the same as what's beautiful to the person beside me. but i find that hard to believe when i think about the galapagos islands. it felt like there were never-ending discoveries awaiting me with every step i took and i was never, ever let down...even when our toilet was actually IN our shower or when my face started peeling after i didn't wear sunscreen on the equator so that i looked like one of the native tortoises. it was a beautiful place with beautifully pink-feathered flamingo, which i thought didn't actually exist until i saw them, blue-footed boobies, cute and friendly sea lions, spitting land iguanas, black and red sand beaches and sparsely populated islands.


i have decided that i want to spend the rest of my life traveling and discovering new things. i want to be able to see the entire world with no obstacles. i want to experience all that there is the in the world and have that make me who i am. i don't want ever want to be limited and i want my life to be limitless.

this is iowa city.

this is iowa city, in the days before valentine's day...

a guy is sitting at a table alone at the java house. his wife, i presume, comes in to show him pictures they are both overly excited for. he leaves his stuff behind, and he walks her out and comes back to sit down alone again. minutes later, his wife is walking back to the table, all smiles. and they kiss and she's off again. no words. just smiles and kisses.

last night we got 7 inches of snow. i awoke at 7:15 this morning to my dad telling my cousin, princesse, that she didn't have school today. i slept for an hour more, dreaming that my classes would be cancelled...all schools, including colleges, within a 150-mile radius are closed, except for mine.

sitting in the java house again, a small group of about 7 cute little children are sitting at some tables they've pushed together with an eccentric caucasian woman with inch-long dark hair and glasses (whom i later found out is the mother of 3 of the biracial children sitting at the table and whose husband is nigerian), a smiley woman from kenya with her head wrapped beautifully in butter yellow cloth, and a blonde cheery-eyed woman. i told the kenyan woman that my mother was from zaire and she asked me if i spoke lingala. i said no because there are only a few words that i can decipher and then she started saying words like 'sangonini' (spelling?), which is how many congolese greet each other. minutes later, the group of children started counting in swahili.

sometimes i love this place.

b.

i'm so excited because my boss at shop 105 told me to start selling my jewelry at the store! i've never actually sold any but so many people have been asking me about the earrings i've been wearing. sometimes i just get on these kicks and start making pair after pair and i get carried away. until recently, i hadn't made much jewelry since the summer of 2004, but i've been coming up with new stuff and trying new things, so i'm pretty excited. i have to make little holders for the earrings to display at the store and i'm thinking about just putting 'b.' on it (obviously for bonkosi).
we'll see.

we don't do g-rated

i haven't had much time to sit and write recently, so i've been posting aaron's progress, which is far more exciting than my dull life. the doctors said yesterday that he would be out of the hospital in 2-3 weeks and that is [yippee]!

the signs that he's coming along swimmingly are the following: (mind you, this is NOT g-rated)

• my sister was wearing a shirt that one of aaron's friends made with his picture on it. my sister was also wearing a sweater over it (as it's far too chilly in iowa to not), and he kept pushing the sweater to the side because he "wanted to see his face." later, after i got there, he admitted the truth: "i just wanted to see your tits."

• Aaron, as you may know, doesn't have a clean mouth. He swears when he's mad, he swears when he's frustrated, he swears when he's happy, he swears. I keep telling him that this is a G-rated place. Today was especially NOT G-rated. After the physical therapist told him that he has to be G-rated in the public areas and he could be R-rated in his room Aaron grabbed my hand and said, "Let's go get R rated."

• What can you hold in your hand, turn on and is useful in the dark? Most people would say a flashlight. Aaron said, "A vibrator." The speech therapist, Aaron and I laughed uncontrollably.
  
• You find these near airports and hotels? Aaron immediately says, "Hookers." Had he let her finish he probably would have said "taxis", which was the correct answer to the FULL question. I think he's a little, um, preoccupied.
  

but on a more serious note...
Aaron's physical progress is going really well. Today was the first day that he walked with only one person assisting him. He's still leaning to the left side most of the time but his balance is great. He's a little shaky when he gets tired or frustrated but the doctor thinks that upping his blood pressure meds could help. Oh, and for some reason the doctor wants to limit Aaron's caffeine intake. I'm sure it's because of the shaking but I'm not sure if he realizes that Aaron is NOT drinking alot of caffeinated beverages. About 1 (20 oz.) bottle of Coca-Cola per day. Aaron was pissed that he wasn't consulted about it. PISSED!

Biggest news of the day: no more enclosure bed. Aaron called me this morning to tell me.

more updating.

i figure this is a good way to let people know about aaron's progress, so here goes...

4. feb. 2007
(in the words of my f'ing amazing sissy)

I woke up to a phone call from St. Luke's hospital. My husband wanted to talk to me. He asked me what the plan was for tonight and asked for me to bring something to drink, then he said, "do you have a clear memory of what happend to me?" I told him that I wanted to tell him in person and to ask me when I got there.
Doreen beat me to the punch. She arrived first and Aaron asked her what happened. She briefly explained the situation. He cried. OF COURSE, wouldn't you. "I can't believe I almost died." I'm sorry if I sound petty but that was MY job. I was supposed to be there and experience that. Later in the evening I asked Aaron how he felt when she told him what happened, "embarrassed and ashamed."

Okay, on to the good stuff. Aaron was very lucid today. I'd say it was probably 90 percent of the day. He only asked about the plane trip twice. Oh yeah, two full days this week he thought we were on a plane or in an airport. Matt and Paula came to visit and he was very clear speaking and pretty fickin' funny if I do say so, myself. Aaron's still really emotional when we talk about his friends and friendship. Y'all know what I mean. He's accepted that he'll never whine, "my friends hate me" again.

Aaron gets really pissed when he has to deal with the fact that he'll be in the hospital for a while but he can now express what he needs from the nurses and what is wrong with him when he's squirming around. No more guessing and bombarding him with questions. Let's hope this sticks and that this wasn't just a lucky day. We've agreed that Aaron will try to cooperate with the therapists starting tomorrow. I can deal with that. Oh, and if you didn't know, there's a Sonic in CR. Aaron was very very happy when I returned from a snack journey with a small cherry-limeade.

relief.

wow. it feels really good to get things off my chest.
thank you for wanting to know and letting me do it.

a quick update...

02. Feb. 07

[ Aaron got himself out of bed today. He needed a drink of water. He didn't realize that he wouldn't be able to support himself once he got out and he ended up on the floor. I left when the nurse came in to do something and she left him alone, when I came back he was on the floor. I asked him if he hurt anything, "Nothin' but my ego." I pressed the nurse button but of course they didn't answer in a timely manner. Lucky for us two of the physical therapists were walking by and I yelled for them. They came in and got Aaron up, made sure he hadn't hurt himself and went to find the nurse.

In speech therapy, Aaron learned today tht he has to answer the simple questions before he can move on to the more advanced stuff so that they can gauge the level of his cognitive functioning. I guess you can imagine that Aaron didn't/doesn't like that so well, "I have not lost any of my linguistics skills!!" My man has a tendency to "over-complicate"/"over-explain" things.
Example:
What do you do with water?
A: it's the life sustaining liquid
Preferred answer: you drink it

He said that they succeeded in making him feel stupid answering the simple questions.
Aaron is doing really well in PT. If he's strong enough to get himself out of bed that means he's doing really well. He is able to keep his balance and kick his feet while sitting up. The therapists were really impressed today! His walking is improving alot. His strides are getting bigger, he's standing up straighter and he's lifting his feet more. I'll let you know the first time he goes unassisted.

Tonight was the first time he got mad at me when I left. "You're taking me with you, right?" I told him he had to stay in the hospital until he got better and he said, "fuck you," I said thanks. I figure the less I react to the fuck yous and bitches, the less he'll say them. We'll see. ]

informed.

i posted the boys of baraka website on my blog a couple weeks before i actually saw the movie. i have been interested in seeing the movie for a while now, especially after watching the movie trailer and i finally got the chance to watch it earlier this week. i was not expecting it to be as emotional as it was, but given the context, it cannot be anything but emotional. or maybe the word is moving. it was definitely a moving movie.

watching this movie really made me think about the luxuries many of us are afforded and usually take for granted and while i think that is the general message of the movie (your future is so dependent on how you grow up and to which socio-economic class you associate), there is much more to it than that. the 20 boys in this movie have very few options, growing up in inner-city baltimore. they can either sell drugs on the street and end up in prison or if that doesn't happen, they're likely to get killed and will never see a future; so they're recruited by the baraka school in kenya, a place where they didn't even think it rained, to get another chance. some of the boys take advantage of this opportunity to change their lives while others have a change of heart.

these boys know nothing aside from the streets of baltimore, they've never been on airplanes and most of their families have never even seen a passport. this sounds like a story from the developing world, but instead this takes place on the very same ground that i walk.

in a developing nation, latin america, for example, there are 40 million street kids who haven't been given another chance, who survive each and every day by rummaging through dumpsters and begging for scraps of food and who will never in their lifetimes see a passport or an airplane or live in a home with a solid roof.

it breaks my heart that many of us can just live our lives wanting more while there are kids in other countries, other states, or even just down the street who could never imagine being able to want the things that we think we need. we can carry on our days thinking that there's nothing we can do about it, but we can't be so ignorant to think that it doesn't exist.

i admit that i'm guilty of wanting, but i'm trying to be more aware. you should try it, too.